As a person who has facebook.com set as their home page on their computer, I am well aware of what goes on with this evil yet addicting website. I would say I have a lot of authority on its influence on courtship as when I have nothing to do, facebook stalking always seems to pass the time, and often gets placed in priority above things I really should be doing.
What dictates a college relationship these days more than someone’s relationship status on facebook? In most cases, the answer is absolutely nothing. For example, fore mentioned psychotic serious boyfriend (let’s just refer to him as The Alcoholic) tried to break up with me on Christmas Eve. Jerk, right? Seeing as The Alcoholic who was not even attractive in the first place yet for the first part of it all had a good personality started to live up to this nickname; I thought he couldn’t possibly be the one breaking up with me, especially on Christmas Eve. Then, he tries again on Christmas day, both times being on the phone and on my favorite holiday, this can’t be real. Since I still do not believe him in such a stubborn way that it almost makes me seem like the one with the psychological issues, he comes into town to do it in person. Still I don’t believe him. Oh, but then he says we should take it off of facebook. I have him sign on to my account and end the relationship since I believe he has gone insane and refuse to do it myself. He ends the relationship on facebook. Only then do I believe that he actually means this and is the one breaking up with me.
Why have we come to the point where unless everyone knows the relationship is over by it being posted publicly on facebook, myspace, or whatever you prefer, that we do not even believe it ourselves? Maybe in this example it was different since neither I nor anyone else would ever believe The Alcoholic would be the one breaking up with me. My plans to end the relationship courteously when we were back from Christmas break and in the same city were foiled. Then there’s that aggravating broken heart that shows up on the facebook “mini-feed” which is possibly the most helpful and creepy tool to stalking all of your friends. Really facebook, am I broken hearted over this and you’re going to let everyone know? No, I’m just angry and bitter that I wasn’t the one breaking up with him and all of my friends are confused, can we get a symbol for that? Possibly a knife? Or something on fire at least if that’s more politically correct?
Then there’s the opposite, the happy full heart, Triston and Thomas are in a relationship with the first picture facebook could find with the two of them tagged in it beside this wonderful news that everyone needed to know in order to survive. What about in the case of my friend where the first picture facebook found with him and his new girlfriend was one where she was in the background kissing her old boyfriend and he was in the picture with another girl? I won’t get started on the pictures because I think they will fit more appropriately in an entire post I am now scheming about technology, stalking and courtship.
One thing I can give facebook credit for on this little heart and “in a relationship” situation is that it gets rid of the weird college terms we’ve come up with for relationships such as “talking”. For example, Triston and Thomas are “talking” really, are they speaking to each other? Does speaking to someone now constitute some type of relationship? They’re dating? Hanging out? Does this mean they’ve gone on a couple dates or are they actually boyfriend/girlfriend? Is hanging out some secret term for hooking up or dating or are they really just friends who hang out? What happened to the good old middle school “Will you go out with me?” Life would be so much simpler!
In one way facebook does us a service by defining things, but then again it forces that awkward “what are we?” talk. Can people be dating and not in a facebook relationship? Of course, and it keeps everyone out of their business which not being on facebook in itself would accomplish, but then we couldn’t get in everyone else’s business so there’s no point in deactivating an account. Then again, there are those people out there who feel they need to have the relationship publicly announced for who knows what psychological reason and I believe it differs depending on who the person is in the relationship with whether or not they decide to make this public statement. For instance, I was in a relationship with someone for a year and we never took the “single” off of our facebooks because it didn’t matter to us what everyone thought and it kept people out of our business. Then there’s the breakup with The Alcoholic where facebook was the only thing that solidified it.
I have officially found the way to defeat the facebook dictating the relationship system. A solution so simple, yet few have caught on thus far. Simply don’t put anything down! Here’s why this solution is flawless: The Alcoholic can’t prove you’re with someone and therefore you aren’t the heartless witch who moved on too soon, nor can he prove you’re not with anyone and can be left to worry about it, you don’t have to have the awkward talk with anyone new because it doesn’t say you’re single on there, and the best part, you can be dating as many new people as you want because they all think if the single isn’t up there it’s because you’re with them somehow. Purely genius and oh so simple, and technology has not taken over your love life.
By the way, for those of you thinking “wow, I hope The Alcoholic doesn’t see this” you obviously haven’t been through a long-term relationship bitter breakup. If you had, you would know that the yelling, go to hell you’re evil phone calls only get more and more hilarious after time when you’re on the mature end of it. In fact, I might even put this as my website on facebook since that dictates the world and he will surely see it. I’m a strong believer in the more someone hates you after a breakup or during a fight, the more they actually cared about you; therefore, I actually miss those funny phone calls in a sick and twisted sort of way and I’m sure that would spark some.
2 comments:
Wow. This really made me laugh. (Not your story--I'm sorry about that--but the relationship status aspect of facebook.) I laugh at this because whenever I read on the stalker page of facebook that so and so has ended their relationship, the first thing I do is ask all my friends about it to see if it's true. My roommates and I laugh about this part of facebook a lot because it seems as if a relationship is not truly not official until it is posted on their pages, or it is not over until they take it off. I think this part of facebook is really interesting--good topic.
I love this entry because I can relate so much to it. I feel like every single one of my friends, myself included, defines any relationship, whether it be theirs or someone else's, in terms of facebook. Its always the question of what their profile says, whether they have made it official, whether its complicated, etc., and it is so interesting and crazy at the same time that this is what dating has come down to. It really is an entertaining concept but also such a good thing to explore in terms of courtship.
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